Thursday, October 25, 2007

What am I doing with my life?

Yesterday I went to St. Mary’s like I do every Wednesday for Homework Help. I picked up the girls I love to see once a week and we take a five minute drive down York road to see the little ones. Every week we usually have the same group but this week we had a few additions. Due to the weather or whatever reason a few tutors could not come so another tutor and I had seven children at our table ranging from second to third grade. I found myself traveling around the table to each child making sure they were ok with what they were working on. From second grade math to eighth grade grammar I was doing it all, and all the while enjoying myself. I tutored there last year and not because I have to but because I want to. I was really having a great time with the students. I’m sure they were happy because I helped them with there homework but I think I got more out of it than they did.
One of the new little boys who sat at my table looked me straight in the eye and told me that he thought I should be a teacher. I was taken aback. I thought to myself, what a nice thing to say. And then after Homework Help was over I was telling one of the parents what we had accomplished and what the student still needed to work on. The mother told me that she was glad I come and wished I could come more afternoons to help. Both of those statements really meant a lot to me. They helped me to realize something very important as well. I am in the wrong major. I knew when I came in that I wanted to be a teacher but I thought they really don’t make a lot of money and I like Public Relations, so I will do that. What a mistake.
When I got home I flicked on the television for an assignment to look at commercials and analyze them. Regularly I do not have time to watch TV, but since I was already doing so, I decided to watch a program. On the program Hip Hop Mogul P-Diddy was on talking about how he got in the music business. One thing he said stood out to me, he said he did it because he loved it and not for the money. After having the experience at the school and then having this man I look up to tell me it is not about the money, I felt it was a sign from God. I honestly do not know what I am going to do. I am a junior who has already registered for her second semester classes and is on track to graduate with her class. I should be a teacher and I know it.
One thing that the Jesuit ideal teaches us is discernment. Although very necessary I think almost impractical at Loyola. This institution encourages us to be leaders but wants us to have time for academics and discernment. I am sure some students have figured it out. I am not one of those students. If I had took the time to really think about what I wanted and what I needed as a person I would have seen my vocation a while ago. God tells us to be patient, so I will. I will be patient. I am not starting over again but I may have to do an extra year of school or work by day and try to get my teaching certification by night. Somehow, someway I will do what I need to do and become a teacher. I will be inspired by little people everyday; I will have the love and desire to inspire them as well. I may not make a ton of money but my husband will and I will be happy. Who knew that going down the street to a little broken elementary school would repair my soul. I know what I am passionate about now.

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